FROM: Theresa Sanders
TO: Sera Peterson
SUBJECT: Your "Gift"
I want to thank you for your gift, but not for the reasons you think. A little re-cap. I told you that I needed to enlist and fight this fight, that I'd be a coward not to do so. In response you called me disloyal and shut me out for days. So I do as I said I'd do - if you'll remember, I was the one in this relationship who actually did that - and joined up. Did I know I was leaving you behind? Yes. Did I feel bad about it? Yes. Then two days into basic, I get a package from you. I open it. There's a gift inside. What's the gift. A stuffed armadillo. A STUFFED ARMADILLO? Am I kidding? No. Not kidding. Attached to said armadillo is a note. What's the note say? Does it actually say, "I'm sorry, hon. Arma dilling with some personal issues." Yes, I regret to inform you that the note does IN FACT say that. As though that - whatever you care to call THAT - begins to explain and justify your behavior.
Which is why I want to thank you. Talking to other enlistees, hearing them describe their girls and guys, I started to see us though a rose-colored filter. I was actually starting to wonder if I'd made the wrong choice. But that package and what it contained - what a wallop between the eyes that was. All doubts extinguished. You're an utter idiot, Sera. A trivial, empty-headed imbecile. Given the choice between fighting killer robots and spending another day with you? Hon, that ain't no choice at all.
Don't contact me again.